for my boyfriend.

for anyone who knows me, and most of you who don’t, it’s easy to pick up on the fact that i consider myself an independent woman (thank you, destiny’s child). although some may argue that “woman” isn’t the proper descriptor, either. yes i climb trees in dresses, and argue to always be the fire starter at camp, and have a coat pocket that contains an empty bullet shell, a broken pocket watch, and a kazoo, but that’s a different conversation (yes, my favorite book is the dangerous book for boys).

as noted on some other day, i recently moved into my own apartment (no roommates, mothers, brothers, or boyfriends allowed unless invited. please check your pants at the door). i love it. i mean i L♥VE it. i do the dishes when i want to. i eat what i want to when i want. i watch bad chick flicks or thug gangster movies (or both) in my underwear and i do my laundry at 11pm (if i’m still awake, which let’s face it, i’m usually not). i fix things when they’re broken. i take out the trash. i kill all the bugs (or send them outside alive and well). now i’m not about to reveal my exact location, because yes a small part of me worries about being alone, but when i first moved to san francisco, my dad gave me the world’s largest bottle of pepper spray and i’ve somehow managed to hang on to it all these years (and never spray it). i keep it by the door, so i think i could hold my own. plus, i’m fortunate to live in a safe neighborhood in a safe city, for which i’m thankful. of course it’s not to say i handle everything alone. i’ll admit i recently had my brother change my screen door to glass for the winter. that wasn’t because i didn’t want to get my hands dirty or use tools or anything else. i’m just short and couldn’t reach the top. if he didn’t help, i would have figured out how to do it myself, or asked my crazy wonder woman of a friend amanda to do it for me.

my point is, i’ve never been one of those girls who needs a boyfriend. i fill my time up double and then some (i didn’t get a couch in my apartment for two months because i didn’t need one because i’m never home. you know, except for when i’m home doing all of the things i said i do above like the movie watching and the bug killing. i swear i’m not a liar). sometimes i just don’t have time for one. sometimes i just get annoyed easily. i often find boys lazy, unreliable, or both. i know who i am and what i want and i don’t feel ready for compromise. now don’t take this the wrong way, twist my words, and put it in your hate ad. i love boys. i actually prefer them over girls as friends and lovers (not that there’s anything wrong with that). but i have a ridiculously impressive list of platonic soul mates (both male and female) in my life who fill any emotional void a boyfriend might fill. and sometimes i just get drunk and make out with strangers at bars, and that’s usually plenty of fun for me. it’s not that i can’t have one. i’ve just never been one to need a boyfriend, so i don’t have one.

i don’t know when, but i’m sure that some day i will find a boy that makes me swoon and we’ll have a hike-in wedding and live in a tree house and spend our afternoons gardening while listening to cat stevens on vinyl (what? it will be solar powered) and all of my dreams will come true. some day i might make it a priority and start online dating or wearing make up or pretending like i care at all. but right now, i just tell my grandpa that i’m “not seeing anyone special” so he’ll stop asking me when my turn’s up (thank you, engaged sister #1, married sister #2, and hi-i-live-with-my-serious-girlfriend brother #3).

what i do know is that whoever i marry (or not), will love the sunrise. it’s my absolute favorite time of day. as i stands now, i have few friends who want to wake up early and sit in the freezing cold for 45 minutes just to see something that happens every single day. they think i’m nuts, which i am. but to me, sunrise is when you start climbing a tall mountain because you need to beat the afternoon storms. or when you realize you’ve been out all night having the time of your life and never had a chance to go to bed. i like waking up in pitch black and watching the world suddenly come to life. it’s when the animals and the earth and the sky all wake up. it’s quiet and private. it’s a unique explosion of light that can rarely be fully captured by picture or words.  it’s magic. every day. so until i find that perfect man who’s part steve martin, part zach braff, and part john muir, i’ve decided that i’m dating sunrises. and sunsets. and whatever other magical times of day i choose. in fact, we just spent a romantic weekend away together in estes park, colorado. let me tell you, i’ve never been happier. 

P.S. i tried to change my facebook status to “in a relationship with the sunrise” but apparently mark zuckerburg doesn’t acknowledge relationships with inanimate objects or certain times of day. consider this my official announcement.

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One thought on “for my boyfriend.

  1. Pingback: committing to dance. | ♡ LOVEknobbyknees

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